Edgar: Man, traffic on the freeway was a absolute nightmare tonight[cite: 1]. I just need to lie down and sleep for ten hours[cite: 1].
Evelyn: Edgar! Wait[cite: 1]! Don't go in there[cite: 1]!
Edgar: Mom? What are you talking about? It's my bedroom.
Evelyn: I... I mean, Chloe was just about to go inside! It's her room tonight, Edgar!
Chloe: Oh, don't be silly, Evelyn[cite: 1]. You always say Edgar works harder than anyone else in this family[cite: 1]. He deserves the soft mattress tonight[cite: 1].
Edgar: Thanks, babe. I really appreciate it. My back is killing me.
Evelyn: No! Edgar, stop right there! You cannot sleep in that bed tonight!
Edgar: Mom, why are you screaming? It's just a bed.
Evelyn: Because... because I washed the sheets with a new chemical detergent! Yes! It might give your skin a terrible allergic reaction!
Chloe: But Evelyn, you just told me to go lie down in those exact same sheets[cite: 1]. Were you trying to give me an allergic reaction[cite: 1]?
Evelyn: What?! No! Of course not! I just... I forgot until just now!
Edgar: Mom, I don't have sensitive skin. You're acting completely insane right now.
Evelyn: Edgar, I am your mother! I command you to step away from that doorway right now!
Edgar: I'm thirty-two years old, Mom. I'm going to bed.
Edgar reached out and grabbed the polished brass doorknob, turning it with a soft click[cite: 1]. Evelyn lunged forward, grabbing his suit jacket sleeve with both hands, her face pale with pure terror[cite: 1].
Evelyn: Edgar, please! Listen to me for once in your life!
Edgar: Let go of my jacket, Mom! What is wrong with you tonight?!
Chloe: Let him go, Evelyn[cite: 1]. After all, you went through all the trouble of making that bed so comfortable[cite: 1].
Evelyn: You shut your mouth, Chloe! You know what you're doing!
Edgar: Hey! Don't talk to my wife like that!
Evelyn: She is trying to ruin us, Edgar! Can't you see that?!
Edgar: She isn't doing anything! You're the one throwing a hysterical fit over a pair of bed sheets!
Edgar yanked his sleeve out of his mother's trembling grip and pushed the bedroom door wide open[cite: 1]. The room was dark, save for the soft moonlight filtering through the sheer curtains onto the white duvet blanket[cite: 1].
Edgar: See? The room is fine. Nothing is going to happen to me.
Evelyn: Edgar, don't walk over there! I'm warning you!
Edgar: I'm taking off my shoes and getting into bed. Goodnight, Mom.
Chloe: Wait, Edgar[cite: 1]. Before you lie down, why don't you turn on the bedside lamp[cite: 1]?
Edgar: Why? I can see fine in the dark.
Chloe: Just turn it on[cite: 1]. Evelyn left a little surprise under the duvet for you[cite: 1].
Evelyn: Chloe, I will destroy you!
Edgar: What surprise? What is going on between you two?!
Edgar reached out toward the wall switch and flipped it on[cite: 1]. Bright light flooded the master bedroom, illuminating the crisp white satin bed[cite: 1]. Right in the center of the mattress, beneath the thin fabric, something long and heavy shifted aggressively[cite: 1]. A low, menacing hiss sounded from under the sheets, followed by the undeniable shape of a thick, coiled body slithering right toward the edge of the mattress[cite: 1].
Edgar: What the hell is under that blanket?!
Chloe: Go ahead, Evelyn[cite: 1]. Tell your son what you put in his bed[cite: 1].